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Saturday, December 27, 2008

Aaah, a moment of quiet...

Didn't sleep well, if at all, last night, so I'm the first one up this morning. I love this time all alone while everyone else sleeps. There's a sense of peace, of the quiet before the storm, that I've always relished...

It seems that lately, I have so many posts rolling around in my head that I'm overwhelmed by them. I started to keep a list of them on my new phone--and oh, don't get me started on my new phone, a BlackJack that I got for $18.88 at WalMart and I didn't think it was possible to be so infatuated with a little chunk of metal and plastic, but I am, so there you go--but the list itself got so long that I stopped even looking at it.

It occurs to me this morning, sitting here reading blogs and catching up on all my blogger friends, that I know what to do with this list of posts--just what I do when I stare at a stack of blank canvases, just what I do when there is dinner to make, just what I used to do when there was some horribly difficult dry reading assignment to do--just start.

That's it: Just. Start.

I say this to Joel when he's moaning and groaning about a paper he has to write for the Honors 10 English class that is so demanding ("I didn't want to take this class Mom, I told you I didn't want to take it, I'm no good at writing, and I didn't want to work this hard, and I'm not you, Mom, I didn't want to take it, and here I am and I don't know what to write for this paper, Mom, and I told you that this class would be too hard for me, Mom, and it'll be your fault when I flunk, Mom").

Just start, Joel.

Just start, Karen.

So I will start posting again, and know that the words will come, and maybe they won't glow the way I want them to, and maybe they won't communicate all that I've been feeling lately, but I'll just do what I can, and write, and then write some more, and then some more. Start, and start again, and keep on starting.

I think I must be at some kind of locus point in my life, a point where I need to choose to move in a direction, to start things spinning again. I have to act, and instead I've been in some kind of holding pattern. So much seems to be going on around me while I'm just in stasis...

The gallery where some of my paintings are hanging is closing in January, (and oh, by the way, she doesn't have the money to pay me for two of the paintings she sold this fall, but I trust her, right? I know she'll pay me eventually, right?), and I'm finally off of the school board after two 4-year terms (hooray, hooray for me for not running again, for refusing to continue doing something that made me physically ill each month, even though teachers and parents asked me to run again and said I'd done such a good job--hooray for doing what I know is right for me and my family), and my house seems to have a mind of its own, sprouting random clutter (in the form of sports' equipment, and clothing, and used cups and dishes) on every possible surface, and my BFF (best friend forever, for those of you who don't know, and oh my, does this ever take on new meaning when you've been best friends for TWENTY SEVEN years)--my best friend is in Kazakhstan, adopting the baby girl that she's been waiting for all these years--I'm going to be an Auntie!, and oh, you name it--just so much happening all around me.

So today I burst the bubble, step out boldly in a direction, stop looking at other peoples' paintings and start making my own, stop listing possible blog entries and start writing them instead.

What's that quote, about how movement has power in it?

I'm going to

just

start.

9 comments:

differenceayearmakes said...

Nike has the sloan of all times
"Just Do It"
So simple that we think that can't possibly be the answer...
but it is
Looking forward to your posts (and creations) in this new year

Olivia said...

Great post, Karen! I'm so glad to hear you're finally off the school board. It will be a great year! xxoo, O

paulanm said...

I know what you write of here. That just do it thing. It comes over me when I've got the background done....it sit there and for awhile the painting takes over, backs me in a corner, dares me to move on, to put something, anything on it that will indicate movement......oh that feeling of so much being there and the inability to move on it.......

Cris, Artist in Oregon said...

I am going to make up a sign that says, JUST START. I did something today I have been putting off for weeks. It has been bugging me like crazy. So I just said DO IT. and it wasnt as painful as I thought it would be. Would have been simpliar if I had done it sooner so JUST START is a great saying to remember. Thanks.
Hope you have a productive Art filled 2009.

Lynn said...

well I for one am so glad you decided to just start
as I had missed you terribly
so I'm reading your words
and looking forward to your paintings
and wondering why in G-d's name that woman did not give you
YOUR MONEY
when the pictures sold.
She STOLE IT that is what she did.
SHAME ON HER.
Bad lady.
Bad, bad, bad lady.

I am mad for you!!!!

Hope Joel is passing his class and I too support his "startings"...
;-)

Never mind the messes

art is more important

enjoying life is more important

the messes can wait...

I said so.

;-)

hiddenart said...

Love your post. I very much relate. Lately I've been feeling a shift, and as I just start, I am eagerly anticipating the direction this shift takes me. Thanks for sharing and I do hope you get your money for the paintings.
amanda

kikipotamus said...

I also feel like I'm in a holding pattern. I should take inspiration from you and just. start. anything.

Renu @ midnitecreations said...

I love this post of yours. "Just Start". What a wonderful saying. Things get so overwhelming that I get paralyzed and get nothing done. "Just Start". I think I will adopt that philosphy.

Diana said...

What a statement! Just start. I needed that, too.

I've had 4 tasks staring me in the face all day. And you're right I just need to start.

Can't wait to read what comes out when you start! :)