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Saturday, August 02, 2008

Be Brave

I just got a comment from Kelly over at Kikipotamus the Hobo. She says that she has the same problem that I do: she wants to compare herself to others, especially during "Be Brave."

I want to share the things I'm doing, so I will. I'll keep trying to quiet that little voice in my head...

I've been out in the studio every day this week. I've taken pictures everyday, and painted, and sketched. For me, right now, this seems huge.

My sister never called me back; not a surprise, but not what I was hoping for. I called and said, "I miss you," and I suppose that's enough.

I also decided this week that I'm not going to run for the school board again. I've had many people, both teachers and parents, ask me to, but it has taken a real toll on me during the last four years. I know I've made a difference, and I know I could continue making a difference, but I'm tired. I'm tired of having certain people (only four people, actually) cast me as the bad guy just because I'm willing to face problems instead of trying to pretend that they don't exist.

A few weeks ago I found out that one of the four, someone whom I've considered a friend, has said to people that she "doesn't trust a word Karen Smithey says." I don't believe that I deserve that. I've never run around behind anyone's back--when I've seen problems I've always gone to the school and been open about them.

Anyhow, this decision is a big one for me. I love the school, and it's hard to say, "I don't want to do this anymore," especially when people in the community say, "But you're the only one who wants to deal with problems rather than cover them up or ignore them."

But if I listen to my intuition, I know that this is what I need to do. Quitting can be brave, too, can't it?


Kim Mailhot said...

Quitting can absolutely be brave - when your soul knows that that is right for you and you follow through with a decision in spite of what "some" people will think ... that's brave ! Don't think of it as quitting if that word seems hard to take. Think of it as moving on, opening the door for someone else, completing your task and going on to something new... some of those may sound braver than "quitting". But they all mean the same in the end - you are bravely doing what is right for you !

Good luck with your brave acts and congrats on what you have accomplished so far !

Olivia said...

Yes, indeed, Karen, quitting can be very brave, I agree with Kim.

You have never seemed happy with the school board and always seemed to me to dread it! I don't think I'd worry about WHAT people thought about me there. It sounds very political and not based on knowing or appreciating you as who you authentically are. People probably say things for reasons other than that it's even what they think!

I'm the Queen of Small Actions in Be Brave. Jessie and I kind of cover the spectrum together, I think! It is so personal. Sometimes Being Brave for me is getting dressed and getting the mail when I'm scared to go out my door. It is good to compare in the sense of seeing that we're all at different places, yet we can all Be Brave RIGHT where we are!!

I think you're doing GREAT!



Kim Mailhot said...

Hi again Karen !

Glad to know ypu are going to try out the Soul Journaling from Caspiana.( It has been such fun ! I love that the time I take to play and mess around is time just for me ! It feels like I am giving myself a gift.
Can't wait to see what you come up with !
Enjoy !

Lynn said...

Take a break from it. See what others do in your absence. None of us are indespensible really are we?
Someone else will do what you did. They'll have to to fill the big gap you leave behind. It's easy to say YOU DO IT. Let someone else DO IT right too.

I enjoy watching your leaps in life.

Paula said...

Quitting is one of the most brave things you can do.

Be brave. It will all work out.

kikipotamus said...

Quitting can absolutely be one of the scariest and bravest acts ever. I hope quitting proves to be a loving act toward yourself and leaves you with less stress, more energy and joy.

Drama Mama said...

Quitting - or "stepping back" is one of the bravest things you can do.

Look at The Four Agreements; don't read the whole book, but look at the principles. Good stuff.

Maddy said...

Oh dear. That's horrible when you find out stuff like that. I don't know about you but that's exactly the kind of thing that eats away at me. I can only recommend that you run to the studio and get creative to wipe it out. Hope it works.
Best wishes