I'm posting this late, because I haven't been out to the studio for a couple of days--starting today, one of my acts of bravery is going to be coming out to the studio, every day. Whatever demons are out here, I'm sure it's better to face them.
Friday I had my four of my friends over with their kids. They brought stuff to grill and drink, I provided the grill and the pool. We had fun, but the hard thing about having people over is getting ready. I gave the house a good once-over, told the kids that they needed to do their chores, and decided that it was good enough.
Yesterday I was brave when I followed an impulse and called my sister. That doesn't sound big, but it is. I missed her and wanted to hear her voice, so I called.
She was taking a nap, so we didn't really talk, but it was good to heare her (albeit a little sleepy) voice. She said she'd call back today--fingers crossed.
I need to practice being brave even when it feels dangerous to put myself out there. My friends wanted to come over to my house, but still it's hard to say, "This is me, this is my house. Welcome." I don't feel secure and that has always held me back. I'm going to keep being brave. The worst that could happen--? I don't know, but it can't possibly be as bad as the fretting I do now.
2 comments:
Karen,
I'm so excited that you're doing BE BRAVE again. I've missed you this time, yay! Believe me, no need to apologize for either an unbrave past or baby steps. I've been there, done that. It's just today...now...
Sacredness,
O
XXOO
Just to let you know I am relating to some of your "brave steps" regarding having friends over, the house being good enough etc. I have incrediable (what I call) "house shame". There is nothing wrong with my house, I know this, but in my mind it is never clean enough, neat enough, or decorated well enough. So when I invite my best friend over, whose home is impeccably decorated and where not a drop of dust falls ever on anything because she catches it in the air before it lands...I swear it must be true...I am doing the most brave thing for me in all the world.
She did come over last Friday, and she said I was nuts to apologize for the way the house looked...I always do, she always does...but it's hard for me not to FEEL the darn house shame. I wonder if I will ever get over this????
Lets hear it for being brave and inviting others over to visit...more.
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