I'm posting this late, because I haven't been out to the studio for a couple of days--starting today, one of my acts of bravery is going to be coming out to the studio, every day. Whatever demons are out here, I'm sure it's better to face them.
Friday I had my four of my friends over with their kids. They brought stuff to grill and drink, I provided the grill and the pool. We had fun, but the hard thing about having people over is getting ready. I gave the house a good once-over, told the kids that they needed to do their chores, and decided that it was good enough.
Yesterday I was brave when I followed an impulse and called my sister. That doesn't sound big, but it is. I missed her and wanted to hear her voice, so I called.
She was taking a nap, so we didn't really talk, but it was good to heare her (albeit a little sleepy) voice. She said she'd call back today--fingers crossed.
I need to practice being brave even when it feels dangerous to put myself out there. My friends wanted to come over to my house, but still it's hard to say, "This is me, this is my house. Welcome." I don't feel secure and that has always held me back. I'm going to keep being brave. The worst that could happen--? I don't know, but it can't possibly be as bad as the fretting I do now.