Thursday, March 29, 2007
It is what it is--but who am I?
I've noticed recently that I'm letting my authentic self show through more and more. What someone else likes or doesn't like has much less bearing on my own tastes, and this is a good thing.
My friend Dianne bought me some notecards while she was at the Getty Museum last week. She said she saw them and thought "Oh, those are weird. I'll bet Karen would like those." Now I'll tell the truth--There's still a part of me that thinks "oh, no, Dianne thinks I'm weird!" But I want the louder voice to be the one that says "I do like them! I don't care if anyone thinks I'm weird! I'm just going to be who I am!"
I read a quote on a blog yesterday that mentioned how we tend to lose our authenticity as we grow older and begin to chase our dreams--I commented that it's when we start to chase others' dreams and worry about what others think that we begin to change. There is no one more real than a nine-year-old girl; I'm forty-three, and I'm just now really getting back to the un-selfconscious little girl I used to be.
This is an ongoing issue for me--why is it that there is no one more potent and energized than a little girl, but if you see that same little girl at age thirteen, all the color and zest and power are gone?
My inner critic is still loud and clear, though I try to smother the sound of her voice.
This whole topic came up because I was going to post a picture of the little piece I made while playing yesterday--I felt as though I needed to apologize for the childish colors and the silly saying and the bad handwriting... Well, I'm not going to. It may not be great art, but it filled a need I had yesterday and I'm going to post it because it feels good to share...